Is Modesty Biblical?

So, today we are going to go a littler deeper and a lot more controversial than I usually do here on my blog.This is a topic that has been on my mind for a few months.


My 16yo sister told me how she got in trouble for wearing tank tops at her homeschool co-op and there is now a rule against bare shoulders. Shoulders! Then a girl posted a video entitled, "Men's View on Modesty", on my 18yo sister's facebook wall. It was 14min long and I didn't even get through the first three minutes before I was so enraged I couldn't think straight. 


I can't stand this prevailing attitude that all men think about it sex sex sex and women are to blame. I have to speak out. For myself. For my sisters. For women and girls everywhere. 


As a grown up married woman I believe that the standard for how I dress should be between my husband and I. Yet, I struggle with wearing what I want to wear because I fear judgement from my parents and my community if I don't fit their standard of modesty. It shouldn't be this way! I should feel freedom in Christ. But I don't.

I have always felt, at least since being a teen, that I had to cover up and apologize for being born a woman. The homeschool and Christian community shames and burdens women with men's lust. I thought I was odd for thinking that and was really never able to put it in words until I read this recent post Modesty, Lust and Emotional Rape by a woman named Lauren Nicole. I am not alone! And, if you feel like this too, you are not alone! 


Truth is, men are so much stronger and capable then they are given credit for. This whole Christian modesty thing probably does more harm than help. It teaches men they have no responsibility. It teaches women that their beauty, a wonderful and delightful blessing from God, is a curse instead. 


Modesty. What does it mean? And is it Biblical? 


Modesty is freedom from vanity and boastfulness. Modesty is simplicity and moderation. Modesty is a behavior, a virtue, a heart issue. In that sense, modesty is Biblical. 


Modesty as a set of rules on how much skin you can show,  how tight your clothing can be, and even what type of garments you can wear is not Biblical. 


Things the bible says on this topic:

"I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

1 Timothy 2:9-10

Here we go, it is that word "modestly". Did you read all the way through verse 10? Taken in context here "modestly" is a still a virtue not a rule about skin showing. We get confused because clothes are mentioned here, but nowhere in this verse is a rule about what we can and can not wear. Look, this verse is saying you shouldn't be known for how much time you spend on your hair, or for your jewelry or be obsessed with name brands just for the name. It is not saying there is anything wrong with quality clothes, nice hair and pretty jewelry. It is simply saying don't let that consume you. Be a woman who has a heart for others. Be a woman who shows people the love of God. 

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—  but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 

1 Peter 3:3-4

Again, this is not against clothing, jewelry and hair styles. This is against letting those things be who you are. You gotta work on your internal self as well as your external self. 

“A woman shall not wear man’s clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this."

 Deuteronomy 22:5

There is nothing here about not wearing pants. Or really what exactly to wear at all. Simply put this verse is telling us that God created us as a woman or a man. One is not better than the other and you should be proud of what God made you. So, if you are a woman dress like one! Don't hide yourself in baggy ill fitting men's clothing. Feel free to wear clothes that accentuate your womanliness. 

"She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple." 

Proverbs 31:21-22

So two things here. First, clothes are functional. Dress for the weather. It is totally ok and even right to have clothes specifically for different seasons, different occasions and different tasks. Second, clothes are more than just functional. Tapestry is intricate. Silk is delicate. Purple is rich. It is ok and even right to dress beautifully! It is ok to spend time and money on quality clothing that makes you feel and look good. That is all part of being a woman. A woman who is precious and valuable. 

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In conclusion, this whole idea of Biblical modesty was never meant to be a rule book for what is and isn't right to wear. It is really about working on your internal self, becoming a better person and showing love to others.