The 9 Month Journey

Note: I wrote this post right around my due date, but never got around to posting it until now. Oops. 

The day we closed on our house. Little did we know I was already pregnant here. 

I mentioned briefly in my last post that this pregnancy has been difficult and yet I am willing to give it another go at some point. Now I am going into more detail while still trying to stay decently concise. I want to record this journey in large part for myself so I can look back and compare it with any future pregnancies.

I also want to share this because honestly, pregnancy becomes me. I look my best pregnant. People seem to fall over themselves to tell me how amazing I look. Yet, that is all they see. I don't mean to gripe and complain, but I want other women who may not look their best during pregnancy to know that I don't have it all. Please don't feel envious of me or down on yourself. If you catch a glimpse of me or another gorgeous pregnant woman out in public please remember that is all you are getting, a glimpse in to her life. She may have just spent the last week in bed. She took a shower yesterday and that was all she could accomplish. Today she managed to put a bit of makeup on, a nice outfit, and get out of the house just for one precious hour. She will pay for that hour by spending the next few days in bed again.

16-17 Weeks. Starting to feel better and sprouting a little bump.

My first trimester was a hell of nausea and exhaustion. It was all I could do to get myself to work. As soon as I came home I would fall on the bed in tears. My sweet husband learned to just bring me food no questions asked. On days I didn't work I just slept and ate. I was perking up by 16 weeks and feeling decent. Weeks 16 through 26 we actually pretty good. 

I ended up in the hospital at 27 weeks with severe right sided abdominal pain. It was determined that the cause was my right kidney. I followed up with my urologist. My doctor believes I had some tiny kidney stones as well hydronephrosis caused by the pressure of the baby. Baby's little feet were right up on my kidney! I felt considerable relief after passing the stones, but continued to be in a good amount of pain until the baby dropped at 36 weeks.  

I was in so much pain before passing the stones that I ended up having to quit my job and I was mostly confined to bed as standing for more than 5 minutes just put me in more pain. I really struggled with this. I didn't want to believe I was as bad off as I was. I couldn't get through the day without round the clock narcotics and if that wasn't enough all I had to do was go to the hospital and they would willingly hook me up with morphine. It took me a bit to process that they probably don't just offer up morphine to pregnant women without serious consideration and I must really not be doing well. 

My mother came down at a moments notice and stayed for nearly two weeks to help care for me. I could not have survived this time without her help! She was an excellent caretaker. In fact I was surprised at how great! I guess you can do a lot more when you don't have 6 other children to attend to as well! 

This was not only a difficult time for me physically, but emotionally as well. I hated that I had to quit my job. I felt a huge weight of not being able to contribute to our household in any way financially or otherwise. I felt like quite a burden. No one made me feel that way! It was my own struggle. 

Although my husband was too busy with school and work to do much in the way of caring for me he was incredibly supportive. It was at this point I found out that he thought, due to my mother's experiences with pregnancy, that I was going to be basically incapacitated from the beginning. He was so proud of me for making it as far as I did! He is continually astounding me with his love. 

At my 29 week appointment I received quite the lecture on my weight gain. I might do a separate post on that. 

At 32 weeks heartburn started to set in. I had never had heartburn before and it was so subtle at first I didn't quite make the connection. I was doing a lot of uncomfortable coughing and learned that that was actually one of the ways heartburn presented itself. And, it was better to catch it with an antacid at that point rather than waiting until more classic heartburn symptoms. That said, heartburn can be so awful! It put me in tears more than anything else. I am still getting it daily, but it has been much more manageable since baby dropped. Chewy Tums are amazing.  

Things I left out they seem so minor now:

• Breakouts of the first trimester. My skin was awful!
• Random nose bleeds. 
• Occasional migraines that would go on for days. Longest was 8 days. Really though, these weren't anything new to me, just more difficult having them in addition to pregnancy.
• Getting up to pee several times a night was not mentioned as it was nothing new to me since I have had bladder issues for years. Thankfully this issue just stayed about the same rather than getting worse with pregnancy. 
• Getting halfway through the Glucose Tolerance Test and throwing up. Having to do the test again later that week. 
• I think there were a couple other symptoms I have since forgotten.

Since 36 weeks I have felt increasingly better. At 37 weeks I even agreed to make my sister's prom dress! And I successfully accomplished that. My due date is tomorrow and at this point I probably feel the best I have this entire pregnancy. Looking back my pain and difficulty were temporary. I made it through. There is now a part of me that will miss pregnancy.

Waiting and Reflecting

As my due date quickly approaches I sit here reflecting back on the journey this pregnancy has been. At times the pain and difficulty was nearly too much to bear. It is surreal to think at any moment labor could start, this pregnancy will end, and the next stage of the journey will begin. I am surprisingly comfortable now. The feeling of being pregnant forever no longer makes me cry. There were days, weeks, months even of this pregancy that you could not have paid me enough to ever want to go through this again. But now, now I really think I might do it again just because I want to.